This morning I woke up, tired, unmotivated, not wanting to live.

I haven’t felt like this in about a year.

The only reason I went to class this morning was because I figured it would be better to go in unprepared than to miss class completely

I go in, get yelled at for being unprepared then I have to sit next to all my classmates who are not only prepared, but they have so much motivation, creativity. Things I’ve lost.

My professor then moved on, showing us different painting techniques. 
Watching him swirl the paint, and attack it with the palate knife inspired me. I wanted to run home and attack the spare canvas I had at home

I even took a five foot high canvas for my next project.  I instantly felt better from this morning.  

I went home and baked cupcakes to give to a local chocolate shop, in hopes of a job. I made them, put them on a tray and went to the shop.

Once inside I talked to the woman. She wanted to know my interest, my experience. I told her I was a student who loved this as a hobby. She told me only of the unpaid internship. I said thank you after she took my information and left

I felt so stupid, so efeated. 

What makes me happy if I keep getting defeated and upset?